Whether you are moving forward together or separately there are steps each person can take that will facilitate recovery and restoration. On this page you will find resources for coping with infidelity and what to look for when seeking out counseling.
Taking the First Steps with Courage, Bravery & Vulnerability:
Say Sorry.
Take Ownership.
Do the Spadework.
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Rethinking Infidelity
The betrayer must become the protector of boundaries.
The deceived partner must do things that bring back a sense of self-worth.
Switch to investigative questions that search for meaning and motive.
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What to look for in a Counselor?
When seeking out counseling for any reason, you should find a counselor who makes you feel comfortable, who is open, nonjudgemental, and authentic. Here are some therapies that have been shown to work with those who have experienced infidelity:
Emotionally-focused Therapy
Helps couples and families create emotional safety to foster wellness interaction patterns
The overarching goals of EFT are:
Increasing direct expression of emotions, especially those related to attachment needs
Developing new interaction patterns that nurture and support each partner
Creating secure attachment for both partners (Gerhart, 2018)
Narrative Therapy
In this process, you will attempt to externalize the problem, learn about patterns, generate alternatives, make meaning, and more.
Goal setting in narrative therapy is unique to each client
Helps clients enact their preferred realities and gives clients a sense of agency and direction of their lives (Gerhart, 2018)
Attachment Theory
Used within EFT, Attachment Theory helps each individual understand their attachment styles and how that presents in a relationship
This includes exploring attachment styles, such as avoidant vs. anxious (Wang, King, & Debernardi, 2012).