Al Cooper and others’ (1999, 2000) continuum framework is operationalized by Cooper’s (1998) “Triple-A Engine,” which states the accessibility, affordability, and anonymity offered by the Internet facilitates the fulfillment of sexual compulsions. Computers and technology have grown immensely in the past 20 years. There are now a number of websites, apps, social media, and chat rooms that can allow us to connect to anyone all over the world. One of the biggest growing industries over the years has been online dating. While this can be a great thing for some who have formed successful, healthy, and loving relationships, it also opens doors for others to use these outlets to secretly form relationships and romantic connections behind their partner's back through their personal phone or computer.
Communication and intimacy is an important part in every relationship. When those things are lacking, people are more likely to search for that missing piece elsewhere, often leading them to browse the internet. The internet may feel like a safe route to explore for some people as they believe it can be easily hidden and less harmful than if they were to go out on physical dates with people. This can become a slippery slope as the realms of cyberspace can quickly become addicting. "There is such a comfort of sharing personal information online or over text because there are no immediate repercussions, no face to match to a name. This makes it hard to determine what is 'right' and 'wrong' when it comes to possible online infidelity. The lines are blurred. At what point does the communication become an emotional connection?" (Cohen, 2018).
Cheating Online Statistics
An estimated 20-33% of Internet users go online for sexual purposes; most are male, about 35 years old, married with children, and well educated. As many as 17% of users become addicted to online sexual activity.
It is estimated that 10% of affairs begin online
40% of those online affairs turn into real life affairs
According to data in the U.S., 42% of people having a Tinder profile were married or in a relationship (McGrath, 2015).
Almost 1/3 of the participants in a 2005 study of 1,828 web users in Sweden reported cybersexual experiences, and people in committed relationships were just as likely to engage in cybersex as those who were single
While men’s interest in cybersex decreases with age, women’s interest increased slightly, with 37% of women age 35 to 49 reporting cybersexual experiences compared with only a quarter of men in the same age group (Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 34, No. 3).
More than half of the respondents in a 2008 Austrailian study believed an online relationship constituted unfaithfulness, with the numbers climbing to 71% for cybersex and 82% for in-person meetings.
Building Back Trust
Like traditional affairs, those that take place over the internet inevitably involve secrecy and lies that have the potential to destroy the trust that's necessary to hold a relationship together. Even if the person being cheated on never discovers what's been going on behind his or her back, the bond of trust is broken when a spouse or partner is unfaithful (Hartney, 2019). When working to rebuild that trust, both partners should be on board with wanting to move forward together and equally put in the effort to mend the relationship.
Seeking therapy is one way you can get guidance to help rebuild the trust that was broken. A trained therapist can help you and your partner discuss the best course of action for your particular situation and how treatment will look. "Some tips for changing behavior include:
Use pictures of spouse, family or other important people as a screen saver so the user can see what is important to him or her each time the computer is accessed.
Move the computer to an open area in the home.
Do not use the Internet alone; go online only when family members or supportive friends are present.
Use the computer only for specific, planned tasks that have been reviewed with someone who will hold you accountable.
Have periods of time when no online behavior happens.
Control Internet access with filtering or blocking software, or use an Internet Service Provider that already filters Internet content. You can also use monitoring software that e-mails reports of visited sites to a chosen person.
With help, the couple moves toward re-establishing trust and their sexual relationship. In the end, the couple will have strengthened their ability to repair problems, look for the good in each other, and find ways to successfully discuss and resolve long-standing issues." (AAMFT, 2019)